The Support is Mutual

SculptureIn our April immersion course, consultant Anne MacKay posed this brilliant thought to the group. And I confess there has not been a day since Anne flew back to Canada over a week ago that I have not thought deeply about its implications.

What if you don’t have to worry about being financially supported, because I am working on that for you, and I don’t have to worry about being financially supported, because you are working on that for me?

Since she uttered those words, I find myself asking the same 2 questions, over and over:

• What would this make possible?
• And what might such a way of being look like in practice – in organizations, in communities, in neighborhoods?

Photo Credit: Taken in Norman, OK by Hildy

17 thoughts on “The Support is Mutual”

  1. I love really good questions and these are REALLY good. My first thought is how much mutual trust would be required to put this into action. Then I thought about how this would not be a one-time thing but an ongoing relationships, a commitment to the well-being of another person who I’d need to respect, value and care deeply about. What kinds of community conditions would birth this kind of action?

    I don’t have a solution but this is the kind of question that I (and I hope many others) will wake up at 3:00 a. m. thinking about!

    Reply
    • And your comment makes me think, LaDonna, of how much mutual trust many of us already have! And that many of us could probably list at least one person we trust in that way. Thinking that some of the pre-conditions might just be realizing what’s already there – the degree to which we do already care, and about who? Perhaps identifying places where this is already happening and we’re just not seeing it as such? (Now YOU have ME thinking!)
      🙂

      Reply
  2. Getting there from here requires a revolution that everyone wins. Interdependent wealth, as distinguished from independent wealth. A sustainable dream of community, rather than the unsustainable dream of independence from community.

    Imagine a world filled with self-reliant communities. Not self-sufficient communities, not isolated, but empowered through local economic interdependence to develop and protect their human and natural resources. A world filled with such communities would be a sustainable world.

    Reply
    • Kevin:
      Thank you so much for this. Every word of it rings immensely true. Because Creating the Future is experimenting and attempting to demonstrate as we go, I’m wondering what we can do internally within this community to model what that self-sustaining world might look like? Boy oh boy you’ve got my brain-juices flowing!
      HG

      Reply
      • One way to create sustainable prosperity in any community is to pay people with local money to develop their own energy and water resources, and then discount the energy and water when purchased with this community money. This employment brings money and essential commodities to those whom need them most. And the local money discount creates a demand for the currency that impels people to develop and protect local resources in able to get some. Everything that can be created with local human and natural resources is stimulated. Not just energy and water development, but agriculture, education, sanitation, transportation, housing, daycare, eldercare, art, etc. This can be done anywhere, in any community, to build self-reliant, resilient local marketplaces that also participate fully in the global marketplace.

        Reply
        • Taken to its next logical place, then, “paying people with local money” is about mutual support overall – it doesn’t have to mean money. It is about an assumption of mutual support, a culture of mutual support – which then, yes, manifests itself in practical ways such as money / services – but it is so much more than that. Thank you so much for this, Kevin!

          Reply
          • Hildy, I think that’s true. Not so long ago if our neighbor’s barn burnt down then the community rebuilt it. This was a culture of mutual support, what actually works. And It was able to occur because we depended on each other locally, and so we not only cared about each other but were empowered to care for each other, and impelled to use resources responsibly. This is what has been lost and what we can reclaim.

      • Julie and Marc:
        At my local cafe this morning, I overheard 2 guys, one of whom was about to get married. The other said, “It’s a huge adjustment. I’ve been married 10 years, and it’s an adjustment every day. It requires not just thinking of yourself, but thinking about the other person in everything you do.” If it hadn’t been a giveaway that I’d been eavesdropping, I would’ve kissed the guy!

        And I thought of both your comments here and just smiled.

        Reply
  3. This concept has legs! Everyone I mention it pauses and then says something like, “Wow!” We’re applying it internally within our largest Lutheran church here in town (as of this morning). This idea can be extended to the behavior of ‘helping,’, prayer, giving of material resources, etc …
    This is an elegant solution to the commonplace behavior called ‘selfishness’ or individualism.

    Reply
    • Oh my yes!! Thank you for this, Gary! We support each other in so many ways. When Philanthropy stops being exclusively about money, and begins being about how we co-support and co-sustain each other in all ways, knowing that at the core, we are far more interdependent than we will ever be independent, everything changes. We see this happen over and over, all the time – directly counter to the notion that at our core we are selfish. Given that our individual survival relies on the survival of the collective, I just don’t buy the “selfish at the core” thing…

      Reply
  4. Such interesting timing, to find this post today. I’ve deeply held this belief, in the possibility for mutual support, since I started a social enterprise for reforestation in Brazil a few years ago. Our system is working, while growing more slowly than we would hope.

    But what has been most curious to me, have been my encounters with the various NGOs I’ve attempted to partner with. It is expected to be a one way flow => that I give to them: energy, time, skills, money, contacts, social media, without any form of compensation.

    It requires me to step out of any sense of feeling victimized by this, while taking three more steps toward greater contribution to the whole, through mutually beneficial partnerships in social enterprise.

    Reply
    • Alana:
      It is such a result of living in scarcity. When we feel our next meal may be snatched from our hands, we guard that meal with our lives, and we sure as hell don’t want to see you even eating the crumbs we leave behind! When we consider that there is enough – and that the most joyful way to find that “enough” is together – mutual support is so worth exploring.

      Your comment really raises such an important point, then – that mutual support cannot happen when the dominant culture is steeped in assumptions of scarcity and survival – of organizations, or individuals, as nations… Thank you for that!

      Reply
  5. Hey Hildy,
    I am a fun of your reflections. You have an article titled, “word matters”. I was reading this reflection from Consultant Anne MacKay. A wise from of mine onces corrected my words. She said instead of always saying “if” I should always say “when”. “When” is definate and “if” is wishful… Every time my friends use the word, “if” I kindly suggested to them to replace it with the word, “when” and see what happens. Hildy you are the one who said, “words matter”.
    So I wanted to suggest a change to your friend’s provoking thoughts to read like this…

    “What [when] you don’t have to worry about being financially supported, because I am working on that for you, and I don’t have to worry about being financially supported, because you are working on that for me?”

    “What [when] we don’t have to worry about a world that functions from humanity’s highest potential – a world that is healthy, vibrant, compassionate, resilient and at peace, because you working on that for us, and you don’t have to worry about a world that functions from humanity’s highest potential – a world that is healthy, vibrant, compassionate, resilient and at peace, because we are working on that for you?”

    “When” is the questions to ask…

    Reply
    • Please pardon my grammar, English is my fifth language. I speak it fluently as i continue to learn how to write it correctly.

      Reply
  6. Hey Hildy,
    I am a fun of your reflections. You have an article titled, “word matters”. I was reading this reflection from your friend, consultant Anne MacKay. A wise friend of mine onces corrected my words. She said instead of always saying “if” I should always say “when”. “When” is definate and “if” is wishful… Every time my friends use the word, “if” I kindly suggested to them to replace it with the word, “when” and see what happens. Hildy you are the one who said, “words matter”.
    So I wanted to suggest a change to your friend’s provoking thoughts to read like this…

    “What [when] you don’t have to worry about being financially supported, because I am working on that for you, and I don’t have to worry about being financially supported, because you are working on that for me?”

    This is the revelation that everyone should memorize to heart. walk the talk…

    “What [when] we don’t have to worry about a world that functions from humanity’s highest potential – a world that is healthy, vibrant, compassionate, resilient and at peace, because you are working on that for us, and you don’t have to worry about a world that functions from humanity’s highest potential – a world that is healthy, vibrant, compassionate, resilient and at peace, because we are working on that for you?”

    What is unproven is not impossible… It is, in fact, where all our greatest potential can be revealed

    “When” is the word that matters…

    “When” not “if” we Change the way we think, things are never be the same again… It the beginning of an end…

    I am such a big huge fun of your reflections… Hildy, you are appreicated. Thank you very much

    Reply

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