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“To
move beyond conflict, the first step is to listen for the values at the
heart of that conflict. Because conflict is always about values.”
~ Hildy Gottlieb |
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Listening for What’s Important
These
days, it feels like conflict in public life is the new normal. As our
brains seek to make sense of these trying times, we humans rely on
shortcuts and labels to help us see more clearly. Creating those labels
leads to identifying people by their positions on this issue or that
one. We then believe those labels, causing even more conflict, and a
vicious cycle takes over. Learn more about the brain mechanics here…
The
simplest way to break that cycle is to listen for what is important to
people. As we learn to listen in this way, we get to know each other as
whole people, beyond the slogans and stereotypes.
What
we are really listening for is that person’s values – what is important
to them. To practice this kind of Catalytic Listening in your own life,
try this:
- As you watch someone speaking on TV or the news, ask yourself, “What is important to that person?”
If the answer seems too easy (e.g. “They want to win the war”), ask
yourself, “What is important about that? Why is that important to them?”
- As you listen to your spouse, friends or coworkers talk about a conflict they’re having, see if you can identify… What values are they expressing? What is important to them, that they feel is not important to that other person?
- As you identify what is important to that person, check in with them to see if you are correct. “It sounds like what is important to you is that people take responsibility for themselves. Am I hearing you right?”
Checking in will not only help you gain understanding, it will let the other person know that you are trying to understand. That understanding is the key to moving beyond the labels. What may have begun with your thinking, “He’s a jerk” may end with your realizing, “He cares deeply about what others think about him, and he’s afraid they don’t like him.” Learn more about the brain mechanics here…
By
listening to the values that are hiding in plain sight within the
stories people share, you will find yourself becoming more
compassionate. And that can’t help but bring out the best in both of
you.
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As
you begin practicing this practice, please hit “reply” to this email
and let us know what happens. A big part of the success of Creating the
Future’s mission relies on sharing each other’s stories! Learn more about that mission here…
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Creating
the
Future
is a
collection of
people around
the world,
supporting
each other in
a grand
experiment.
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The
experiment:
To
determine how
much better
the world
could be if
the questions
we ask in our
day to day
lives are
bringing out
the best in
each other.
If
everyone,
everywhere, is
bringing out
the best in
every person
they encounter
– and if the
systems that
guide our
behaviors are
built to bring
out the best
in all of us -
how much
closer will we
all be to a
healthy,
humane world
that works for
all of us?
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Keeping Our Programs Freely Available Most of the programs at Creating the Future are free or low cost, with liberal tuition assistance when they aren’t.
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If you find our programs of benefit, we hope you will consider contributing, to help keep these programs available to as many |
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SUBSCRIBE to
get this e-Journal
Creating
the Future
3849
E
Broadway Blvd #238
Tucson,
Arizona 85716 USA
Creating the Future is a 501(c)(3) tax exempt organization in the U.S.A
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