The disempowering power of “Should”
Have you ever seen new parents putting 25 cents into a Swear Jar every time they swear, to wean them off the swearing habit? At Creating the Future, we have a “Should” jar!

The reason for breaking the “should” habit is simple: The words we speak actually affect how our brains react to circumstances.

But you don’t need a neuroscientist to tell you how the word “should” makes you feel.

• When the computer tech tells you, “Well, it should work.” And it doesn’t.
  
• When you talk about your day, and your spouse says, “You know what you should tell him?”
  
• When you think to yourself, “I should have finished this yesterday” or “I shouldn’t have said that.”
  

Should makes us feel bad, not just because it is an argument with reality (as Byron Katie wisely notes), but because it is an argument with what we don’t like about those circumstances. That is why, whether someone else says it to us or we are saying it or thinking it ourselves, hearing the word “should” triggers the fear and anxiety centers of our brains.

Those brain chemicals are why we feel bad when we hear the word. Unfortunately, those chemicals also block our access to the rational, creative areas of our brains.* When we hear, speak or think the word “should,” our brains are actually preventing us from being the smart, creative, powerful beings we have the potential to be!

So… are you ready to find a replacement for your “should” habit?

Try this:
Step 1) Notice how many times a day you hear the word “should.”
The first step in changing a habit is noticing you have that habit in the first place!

You can keep count on a slip of paper, or to be really effective, repeat the word aloud every time you hear it (especially when you hear it out of your own mouth or in your own head!)

Step 2) Find go-to replacement words
At the moment you hear or say the word should, find a word or phrase that more accurately describes what you’re feeling. And practice using those words instead.

Here are some examples. Please let us know what other phrases you come up with!

• I wish it weren’t raining. (It shouldn’t be raining)
  
• I would have gone to the store, but I was in such a rush to get home! (I should have gone to the store, but I was in such a rush…)
  
• Here’s something you could try. (You know what you should do?)
  
• Why isn't this working?! This is so frustrating! (It should work…)
  
• I hope I can get this done in time. (I should get this done.)
  

The simple act of changing this one word will make you aware of your power to change everything, simply by the language you use. That is why Catalytic Thinking focuses not on your actions, but on the thoughts and assumptions that go into your actions. When you mindfully ask different questions and use different language, your brain automatically responds. And that creates a fast track to bringing out the best in yourself and those around you.