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“When
people speak from outrage and anger, when they talk about arguments and
conflicts, listen carefully. They are telling you what is important to
them. They are telling you their values.”
~ Hildy
Gottlieb
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Learning to Listen for Values
When people talk about blame and conflict, they are actually telling
you their values, because blame and conflict are always about values –
about what is important to each of the parties.
Reframing that blame and conflict into “values,” we can begin to see
beyond the story the other person is telling us, to the reason
that story is important to them.
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Conflict:
Two siblings fighting about a parent’s estate
Blame:
Mom always loved you more
I was there for her in the end and you weren’t around
Values
/ What’s Important to Her:
Having
people show that she is loved, appreciated and noticed - by the parent,
by the sibling, by the world.
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Try this:
The next time you are listening to a story about blame and anger and
conflict, ask yourself…
- What is important to that
person?
And if the answer seems superficial, ask it again. Sit quietly with the
answer, and repeat the question in your mind until something clicks.
- What is important about
that?
- Why is that important to
him/her?
Try it when you are chatting with a coworker or family member. Try it
when you are listening to the news or watching a movie. What is really
going on? What is really important about that?
As you begin listening with the intention to discern what is truly
important to people, you will find that they are telling you an awful
lot about those values all the time. We’re just not skilled at
listening for them (or knowing what to do once we hear them, a topic
for another day!)
By simply listening through the lens of compassion, you will be taking
steps to unlock the potential in that person sitting across from you.
That is why Catalytic Listening is at the heart of Catalytic
Thinking.
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Want to meet other people who are
also learning how to apply Catalytic Thinking in their lives?
Join us at the Catalytic Thinking in Action
community on Facebook - a welcoming place where you
can ask questions and learn from people like you who are experimenting
with these practices. We look forward to seeing you there!
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Keeping Our
Programs Freely Available
Most of the
programs at Creating the Future are free or low cost, with liberal
tuition assistance when they aren’t.
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If you find our
programs of benefit, we hope you will consider
contributing, to help
keep these programs available to as many
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Creating
the
Future
is a
collection of
people around
the world,
supporting
each other in
a grand
experiment.
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The
experiment:
To
determine how
much better
the world
could be if
the questions
we ask in our
day to day
lives are
bringing out
the best in
each other.
If
everyone,
everywhere, is
bringing out
the best in
every person
they encounter
– and if the
systems that
guide our
behaviors are
built to bring
out the best
in all of us -
how much
closer will we
all be to a
healthy,
humane world
that works for
all of us?
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SUBSCRIBE
to
get this e-Journal
Creating
the Future
3849
E
Broadway Blvd #238
Tucson,
Arizona 85716 USA
Creating the
Future is a 501(c)(3) tax exempt organization in the U.S.A
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